Blog 5 in my series on improving your life in order to improve your finances focuses on your relationship with your children. The way you interact with your kids can have a lasting impact on both your finances and their own. If you have a stronger relationship with your child you can more easily teach them about finances, impart family values and wisdom, and give them the confidence to be financially successful themselves.
Here are some tips to start improving your relationship with your children:
- Choose your words wisely. Nothing can tear down a child like hurtful words, and nothing can build up a child for success more than encouraging words. Choose to use your words to daily build up your child. Those little words can give them the power to achieve big dreams. It is easy to slip into patterns of making negative comments or criticism, so be careful to watch your words and try to make a habit of encouraging and building up your child.
- Listen. Not only do we need to choose our words well, but we need to take the time to listen. Genuinely listening to your child’s thoughts, concerns, dreams, and ideas will help build a stronger relationship. Your child will have a supportive ally, and you will get to really know your child.
- Spend time with them. Children learn early that time = importance. The more you make time to spend with them, the more they will see you value them – and the more they will then value themselves. The time you take to spend with your children is also time that you can teach them values, character, money management skills, relationship skills, etc.
- Let them be a part of the family finances. Teach your children about how you budget and why. Let them have some say in the family finances – that’s not to say they are in control, but give them a little room to help. If your family gives a donation during the holidays, let your child choose where that money will go and why. Giving your children some say in the finances will show that you have faith in them and value their opinions, and it will help them learn early on about good money management.
So go give your kids a hug and tell them that you love them. Start working daily on improving your relationship with them and watch for ways that it impacts the family finances. Instead of butting heads so much, maybe you will start to see that you can work together and see great results!
Tags: children, family finances, finances, kids, relationships
Ah money and marriage. I’ve started this series on how you can improve the different areas of your life and thus greatly improve your finances. And today’s topic is marriage. I know this can be a tricky one. They say the leading cause of divorce is money, and in a nation where 50% of all marriages end in divorce, that means there are a lot of money problems in marriages! But here at iMoneyCoach I’ve learned that it’s really never about the money itself, but rather it’s something else that needs to be fixed.
A good example:
Bob and Betty decided that maybe it would be a good time to look for a new home. They searched and searched but didn’t really see anything that suited them. Honestly, Bob would rather stay where they were and didn’t want to even think about packing and moving. But Betty wanted something new, something better. They started arguing, and finally Bob gave in…sort of. He firmly stated that they could revisit buying a new home but that they needed to stay where they were for 2 more years. Betty said that would be ok but only if in the meantime Bob agreed to extensive renovations on their current home, including re-finishing the kitchen, adding a bathroom, and doing some remodeling in the basement. This was Betty’s way of asserting control. She had some say in the situation. And Bob thought he was compromising. But they would be setting themselves up to spend nearly $80,000 on a home they weren’t even going to be living in after 2 years! They could save up and set that money aside for a down payment on a new home and end up getting a much better home than if they spent it on their current place. It took some work, but once Bob and Betty realized how their relationship was impacting their finances and how they were working (or not working) with each other, they made changes that are making them much happier in the end.
Here are some simple things you can do to strengthen your marriage. Try them out and see how they can help your finances:
- Remember, you are on the same team. Marriage isn’t a battle. It’s a partnership. You chose to do life together, and what an awesome thing it is to have a teammate to help you through the hard times and celebrate with you in the good times! Just as if you were on a team playing a soccer game, you wouldn’t stand in front of your teammate or kick the ball away from them! Sometimes you need to pass the ball to them, or you need to shout some encouragement their way, or you can help get obstacles out of their way – and they can do that for you too. Remembering that you are on the same side can help you avoid conflict and come to resolutions a little easier.
- Active listening. You may need to work on listening to your spouse more. But there are many of you who think you are listening, and you still end up arguing for hours over something, and your spouse says “You aren’t listening to me!” We often work with clients to work on active listening, that is, making sure you hear what they are actually saying. This could mean repeating back what you think you heard or writing down what the other person is saying so you can both look at it and make sure you both know what is being said. It may feel weird to repeat things or to sit across from each other with a pen and paper, but it can make a huge difference and save a lot of time arguing over misunderstandings.
- Create a mission statement and goals together. Sit down together to write up a list of goals or a mission statement. When situations arise you can refer back to that list and decide together if something is going to get you closer to or push you away from your goals. Do remember that we all change, and our goals will change with time. So make sure you schedule time together to revisit your goals often. As you meet goals, it will also give you motivation to keep working (and working together!).
- Love and Respect. If you haven’t read Dr. Emerson E. Eggerichs’ book Love and Respect, I’d recommend you do so. Men are wired to need respect, and women are wired to need love. If we as husbands and wives can understand what our spouse needs and work to provide it, then our marriages will be much stronger. Often a wife may work very hard to be loving to her husband, but she doesn’t realize that what he really wants and needs is respect from her. It is amazing the misunderstandings and arguments that can be avoided in actively providing the love or respect that your spouse needs.
Our Financial Life Coaches work one on one with couples to figure out what is lacking and how they can strengthen their relationships so they can thrive and ultimately become financially successful. If you are able to avoid power struggles and instead work together, you can accomplish so much! If you would like more ideas on how to strengthen your marriage or would be interested in Financial Life Coaching, please check us out online or call us at 303-462-2001 today!
Tags: balance, finances, improve marriage, improve your finances, marriage, money, relationships
So the last couple of blogs in this series have focused on how to improve your personal life so you can see success in your finances. We’re going to switch gears this week and start talking about how improving your relationships can help your finances. Remember what I said before that we often use money as a band-aid to fix problems in the various areas of our lives. This happens often in our relationships. We may be struggling with our spouse, children, co-workers, neighbors, friends and suffer financially because of it.
Here’s an example:
Susan was a widow who had a lot of money. But she didn’t have a lot of friends and started feeling pretty lonely. She started using large portions of her money to try to make friends – by buying donuts for the church every week or giving generous tips to people like the cable guy or housekeeper. She so desperately wanted people to like her, and she thought money was the way to gain acceptance. When Susan came to us, she needed to make some changes fast or she would soon be in debt because of her spending. We worked with her to build confidence and teach her to make friends without trying to buy their affection. Soon she had built a group of true friends who accepted her for who she was – and they all had a great time together!
The good news is that we can make simple changes to improve our relationships, which can greatly improve our finances and make life much better! Here are a few general tips for improving our relationships overall (in the next couple of weeks we’ll get into specific relationships):
- Words – Our words are incredibly powerful, and we can use them to either build people up or tear them down. Start using your words to encourage others, to push them to be all they can be, to support them, to love them. Give sincere compliments. Be honest but respectful.
- Eye contact and active listening – When talking with someone, whether arguing or not, look them in the eyes and repeat what you think you heard to make sure it is actually what they are saying. When you actively listen to someone, not only do they feel you are giving them respect, but you are also more likely to achieve resolution or get things accomplished.
- Do something nice – You don’t have to spend a lot of money to make someone feel special. Drop a handwritten note in the mail or call a friend to let them know you are thinking of them. Take a stroll through the neighborhood with your spouse, and ask your kids how their day was when they get home. Offer to mow the yard or sweep the kitchen for someone who is sick or unable to do it themselves.
- Ask forgiveness when you are wrong, and give forgiveness when you are right.
- Listen twice as much as you talk.
- Spend time regularly with each member of your family. Make time for friends too.
Start small and build up. You will see that little gestures can make a big difference. And that big difference in your relationships will often translate to a big difference in your finances and in your ability to enjoy life. Be sure to check back next week for some ideas on how to improve your marriage (and, as a result, your finances!).
Tags: family, friends, improve relationships, improve your finances, money, relationships
Last week I started a new blog series on strengthening your finances by strengthening the various other parts of your life. The first topic was centered on your personal life, more specifically the physical aspects of your personal life. Today we’ll discuss the emotional part. You may be surprised to find out how much your emotions can affect your finances!
Emotional
Our emotions can cause our finances to blow up! Here are a couple of examples of how that can happen:
- Low self-esteem: Mary feels ugly and unhappy with her appearance, and she starts spending lots of money on fancy clothes and new makeup, some expensive new perfume, botox treatments, manicures and pedicures every week, constantly changing hairstyles and products…. and on and on…
- Stressed, looking for relaxation: Often people who feel stressed go shopping to relieve that tension. They get a rush from making purchases and often end up making impulse buys that they do not need and that can potentially damage the budget.
- Can’t buy me love: Both men and women can get caught up in trying to buy affection, either from a significant other or friends and family. They may spend a lot of money taking everyone out to dinner often or buy fancy gifts that they can’t really afford. We’ll actually get into this more in the segment on relationships, but it does have to do with emotions too when we are seeking the feelings of affection.
There are many many more ways where our emotions can cause us to trip up financially, but here are some good ways to boost our emotional life and have a positive effect on our finances:
- Try encouraging others. You’d be surprised at how their happiness or even a smile can brighten your day.
- Think positive thoughts! You have control over what you think, and if negative thoughts are creeping in, replace them with positive thoughts. This may include focusing on the good things in your life and being grateful for what you have.
- Be solution focused instead of problem focused. Working towards a solution will keep you from feeling hopeless and helpless, and when you succeed it will serve as motivation to keep going and succeed in other areas.
- Smile when you talk to others and on the phone. People can hear that smile in your voice, and you will end up having more productive conversations. This in turn can boost your mood.
- You may remember last week we talked about exercising to stay healthy. Endorphins that are released when you exercise can also improve your mood!
- Boost your self-esteem: We all suffer with self-esteem issues during our lives. Try setting goals, take pride in your work, view mistakes as learning opportunities, try to stop thinking negative thoughts about yourself.
- Start the day by writing down 5 things you are grateful for. Add to that list each day, and read the entire list often, pausing to think about each of the items on it.
- Stop telling yourself you “can’t.” Especially with finances. Start telling yourself, “I used to struggle, but I am learning and I CAN manage my finances successfully.”
You are special. And you can do great things. Working to improve your emotions can help your finances – so start today and see what great things happen!
Tags: encouraging, exercising, finances, improve emotions, mood, positive, self-esteem, stress
At iMoneyCoach, we believe that life can be divided into 5 main segments: spiritual, personal, relationships, work, and finances. ALL of these areas are interconnected and interdependent. That means that the first 4 areas all have an impact on your finances. If one of those areas is lacking, it could be putting a serious strain on your finances whether you realize it or not because we tend to use money as a band-aid for the problems in our lives. So this week begins a series of blogs on how you can strengthen each of those areas to ultimately benefit yourself financially. These are general tips and rules, and it may be more beneficial for you to talk to one of our Financial Life Coaches to take a personalized approach and uncover some of the underlying things that could be hurting your finances. So don’t be afraid to get in touch with us if you want more information!
Today I want to talk about how having a better personal life can strengthen your finances. We’ll look at this topic from 2 aspects of “personal life.” These include your physical well-being and your emotional well-being – we’ll start with the physical this week.
Physical
You may wonder how your physical part of your personal life could have anything to do with your finances. It can actually have a HUGE impact! For example, answer these questions: Are you in the “normal” weight range? Are you happy with your appearance? Do you exercise regularly? Do you eat healthy?
If you are spending tons of money on a gym membership that you are not using, that could be putting a strain on your budget. If you are eating out often and as a result spending more than you make, that can be a problem. Often if we have self-esteem issues we end up throwing money at all sorts of things to try and make ourselves feel better: new clothes, fancy cars, botox treatments, therapists.
So how do we begin to change? The simplest answer is to make sure you are exercising regularly and eating healthy. But we can go beyond that. Perhaps instead of that gym membership, you could walk around the neighborhood (maybe even walking with your spouse and building a stronger relationship – but we’ll get to that later!). Did you know that drinking enough water each day can have a big impact on how you feel and how healthy you are? It can even make you more alert (would you get more accomplished at work?). Start setting small goals to improve the physical aspect of your life. Maybe you start by taking a 10 minute walk each day or by doing 20 sit-ups in the morning. Perhaps you could carry a water bottle with you (a re-usable one so you aren’t wasting money on disposable bottles) to make sure you are drinking more water and fewer empty calories from soda.
You can also eat healthier by cooking at home instead of heading out to the restaurants so often. This will save you money both on the food bill and on health-related issues. You can also control your portions better at home – many restaurants offer portions double what we actually need!
After a little while you may notice some great changes in your finances! The money you are saving on eating out less can be used to pay off debt or invest more. You may feel better physically and with more energy get more done around the house or even do a better job at work (that’s a good step towards a raise!). So go ahead and start setting those small goals to get your physical life on track so that you can meet your full potential financially!
Next week we’ll talk about the emotional part of our personal lives and how we can make some easy changes that impact our finances tremendously…
Tags: budget, energy, exercise, healthier, improve finances, improve personal life, physical
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