So the last couple of blogs in this series have focused on how to improve your personal life so you can see success in your finances. We’re going to switch gears this week and start talking about how improving your relationships can help your finances. Remember what I said before that we often use money as a band-aid to fix problems in the various areas of our lives. This happens often in our relationships. We may be struggling with our spouse, children, co-workers, neighbors, friends and suffer financially because of it.

Here’s an example:

Susan was a widow who had a lot of money. But she didn’t have a lot of friends and started feeling pretty lonely. She started using large portions of her money to try to make friends – by buying donuts for the church every week or giving generous tips to people like the cable guy or housekeeper. She so desperately wanted people to like her, and she thought money was the way to gain acceptance. When Susan came to us, she needed to make some changes fast or she would soon be in debt because of her spending. We worked with her to build confidence and teach her to make friends without trying to buy their affection. Soon she had built a group of true friends who accepted her for who she was – and they all had a great time together!

The good news is that we can make simple changes to improve our relationships, which can greatly improve our finances and make life much better!  Here are a few general tips for improving our relationships overall (in the next couple of weeks we’ll get into specific relationships):

  1. Words – Our words are incredibly powerful, and we can use them to either build people up or tear them down. Start using your words to encourage others, to push them to be all they can be, to support them, to love them.  Give sincere compliments. Be honest but respectful.
  2. Eye contact and active listening – When talking with someone, whether arguing or not, look them in the eyes and repeat what you think you heard to make sure it is actually what they are saying. When you actively listen to someone, not only do they feel you are giving them respect, but you are also more likely to achieve resolution or get things accomplished.
  3. Do something nice – You don’t have to spend a lot of money to make someone feel special. Drop a handwritten note in the mail or call a friend to let them know you are thinking of them. Take a stroll through the neighborhood with your spouse, and ask your kids how their day was when they get home. Offer to mow the yard or sweep the kitchen for someone who is sick or unable to do it themselves.
  4. Ask forgiveness when you are wrong, and give forgiveness when you are right.
  5. Listen twice as much as you talk.
  6. Spend time regularly with each member of your family. Make time for friends too.

Start small and build up. You will see that little gestures can make a big difference. And that big difference in your relationships will often translate to a big difference in your finances and in your ability to enjoy life. Be sure to check back next week for some ideas on how to improve your marriage (and, as a result, your finances!).

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