Is Money Really the Leading Cause of Divorce?

Though it is a common belief that money is the leading cause of divorce, money itself isn’t the actual problem…

Through years of working with clients facing money issues, we have discovered that many of their “money problems” could be avoided or fixed by taking steps to create clear communication lines, understanding each other’s background and how that has shaped their thinking and behavior, and by working to live a life of balance.

Let’s start with the idea of understanding backgrounds. Suppose Tom and Jan (these are made-up characters by the way) are having a huge argument because Tom doesn’t seem to care about how much money he is spending as he throws the family into debt, and he is mad at Jan who hounds him over every penny and is constantly on his case about his spending. This could be a huge problem! In talking with Tom and Jan, we find out that this is the 2^nd marriage for both. Tom’s first marriage ended with his ex-wife taking most of the money he had worked hard to save. And Jan’s first husband wasn’t able to take care of her financially and ended up leaving her with huge debts and bad credit. So now Tom feels like he maybe doesn’t need to do much saving and secretly fears losing his money, so he spends it all instead. And Jan fears she will end up in the same situation as before, so she tries hard to be in control of the family finances every second of the day.

Wow, once Tom and Jan realized they had these emotions that drove how they acted towards their finances and each other, they were able to start making changes. They worked on creating a budget together, one that had a balance between spending and saving. They were also able to work on how they treated each other in respect to the other’s feelings… this was much more effective for them than arguing all the time! Because they now understood why the other thought or acted a certain way, they were able to open up lines of communication. Jan could tell Tom when she began to feel like he was jeopardizing their finances, and they could talk about it openly and honestly so they could come to a solution.

This communication and understanding is something that can be taken beyond family finances. If you know about iMoneyCoach, you know that we believe your finances affect and are affected by ALL the areas of your life. So whether it is your health, spirituality, relationships, or work, clear communication and balance are key.

If you have been having money troubles in your marriage, be sure to give us a call or check us out to see how a personal finance and life coach can help you!

Tags: divorce, family finances, marriage, money, money issues, money problems